Becoming Disillusioned
It was during a chilly walk at the end of 2022 that my husband and I decided to take a path that would eventually move us to Spain.
But it was as early as the beginning of 2021 that I started to question whether I was still on the right career path.
Whether I wanted to be on the path I was on anymore.
It was a strange situation for me because, although I hadn’t planned to get into the executive team of a large company, that’s where I ended up.
And, somehow, I loved it.
Even a year before those doubts set in, I was energized and hopeful about being able to take on more accountability and expand the reach of my influence to help my company achieve their goals.
I was basking in the idealism of what corporate leadership could be.
How it could touch the lives of so many people— those who worked for me, those I worked with, and all of the people in their lives.
Imagine a world (even a sliver of it) where you could drive business results while still looking out for what’s best for the people on your team.
Where the people on your team were treated like individuals with their own needs and desires.
Where we could win together, even if we didn’t stay together forever.
Then those rose-coloured glasses were snatched from me and I couldn’t reorient myself afterwards.
In my disoriented state, I also failed to follow my own best practices to guarantee my future success where I was.
Maybe a part of me already didn’t want that success anymore.
Those closest to me saw the change before I was ready to admit that it happened.
One friend said it was like someone blew out the candle that once shinned brighter than all the others.
Others started asking me if everything was okay.
It wasn’t, and I wasn’t sure why or how to make it okay again.
After two years of distance, I can finally see that it was quite simple—the values of the leadership team I was a part of had changed. They no longer matched my own values.
That misalignment was painful and cut into my soul.
I probably should have left sooner, but didn’t.
The disillusionment had hit me hard.
And if I’m being honest, it’s still there…like a scar that won’t go away, even though the wound healed long ago.
Hopefully that scar will fade, because I’d love to return to corporate.
I was good at what I did. And I loved doing it.
But, for now, I’ll continue with merely dipping my toes back into the corporate waters.
Until I find a company whose leadership team is one that I want to work with again (even if I don’t go back into leadership right away).
